“My Best Friend Max Wincester Explains It All To Me in Third Grade At Recess”

Listen.
I'll tell you how it happened
but you can't interrupt, not even
if you think of something really good.
Kid America ran away from Mama England cause
she was being mean like mamas sometimes are.
So America wrote her a letter called the Declaration,
and declared that his new house was a continent and she couldn't
take away his pocket money anymore.
But wait. I'm getting mixed up. Before that was Columbus, who
cleared out the brush and also the Indians,
but then there was some fighting about the Civil War but then
Abraham Lincoln said together we stand,
divided we fall, which is why
no one walks anywhere alone nowadays.
World Wars One and Two, there were some others
that happened to other people, but
those won't be on the quiz.
But I forgot, sometime in the middle of that
Amelia Earhart sailed through the sky but
over the Pacific, which was twice as blue but not as deep,
maybe she got confused or something, anyways she crashed and
all they found was fingerbones.

I pledge allegiance to the flag,
One nation, under God,
Praise Jesus who hath written in our Constitution
of the separation of church and state,
but not this state so don't worry.
And that's history, you're
welcome.